Mothers and Daughters

My mother always had somewhat of a tense relationship with her mother. I have always had somewhat of a tense relationship with my mother. I guess it was passed down.
My mother has always struggled with her weight. I have always struggled with my weight. I guess it was passed down.
My eating patterns, up until this time, have always been similar to my mothers. Her food motto, when I was growing up, was eat it all so no one would know you had any (hide the empty bag, wrapper, etc.). I consciously caught myself doing this in the past and remember being aghast that I did it. It was also to always be looking for the next weight loss diet, pill, clinic, camp, etc.
My mother seems to love it when I am overweight. She wants to talk about her latest diet, what she has learned, what I SHOULD be doing. If I visit her and am trying to be careful, it is always "I want to go out to this or that restaurant", "I never get to eat out because I have to go by myself", "Let's get a dessert and split it, PLEASE". It is like she needs for us to have being fat in common but, at the same time, she always makes comments about my (and my brothers) extra weight and how she is sooo worried about my brother or me dying before her. She wants me to be on the same diet plan she is on. Tonight, she told me that she is losing weight and I should do the New Atkins diet like she is and the kicker was not just that I should do it but "You could do this diet, I just bet you could, you should at least try it". I just wanted to scream but I refrained. I try to tell myself that she is old (82) and this circle of wanting me to diet and trying to sabotage my efforts has gone on for 30+ years and will not change. With most people I can stand up for myself but not with her, always being afraid of hurting her feelings and being made to feel guilty if I do say anything.
If anyone has any suggestions for dealing with a sabotaging mother, I would love to hear from you!
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